I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
