giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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