It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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