Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
