Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
