you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Terrible idea I love it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
