I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
