he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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