Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
