Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm really busy with my period
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