my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
