so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
