you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
