Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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