I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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