I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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