There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
