her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
