if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
