Your tits are I can't wait for
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
