I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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