Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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