Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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