Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
