those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
