Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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