So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
