i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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