we're blogging at a bar
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
