so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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