Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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