Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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