I just saw a hot homeless man
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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