Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
