Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
