There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
