I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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