Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I will pee on everything he values.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
