So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
