I puked a lego.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
two words: eviction party
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
