Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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