he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
