okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
