Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
