dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
