Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
