Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
