i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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