Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
