You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize