Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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