I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
