I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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