she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
