Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
