just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize