The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
