also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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