I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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