So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
