Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
