SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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