apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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