if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
