My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
