im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
