There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
