I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
