she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
