Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
