A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
