I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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