he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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