we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
