It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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